I Can't Live Without You

Seperation anxiety in stereo... the twins SEE me, they start screaming... I leave, they start screaming... If they forget I'm in the same room, they play happily together - or apart. As soon as I become a "person" (or I guess, "that chick that feeds us") - all hell breaks loose. The wringing of hands and gnashing of non-teeth (gums, I suppose) begins.

DH says, "oh, that's why I leave them downstairs... they're safe; they're happy." Then he goes back to doing whatever it was he's doing. Like cleaning the kayak... in the GARAGE. I had no idea that leaving the twins with him while ds#1 & I go to church, in effect, is like leaving them ALONE. Which, I shouldn't judge - it works for him, it works for me. Daddys just do it differently, right? I have a horrible feeling these guys are going to turn out to be like those feral children* they splash on TV.

The hideous truth is I actually had a friend who was a junkie. He and his junkie wife, Liberty, were such crappy junkie parents that their 5 year old didn't know how to WALK. They plopped him down (or left him there from the day before - who knows) in front of the TV day after day while they went to score, and he didn't learn how to walk until the state took him away from them.

Frank didn't die from Chinese White. I mean, there are no old junkies. I don't know what happened to Liberty. I never met her, but I know a lot about her. I met Frank when he was 30 years clean and sober - he died a couple of years ago from throat cancer. It was a nightmare to watch, and he stopped going to AA meeting because the tube in his throat made him more susceptible to illness from all the people in the meetings... so he just went to cancer support group meetings. I kind of resented him for doing that. He was so horribly sick anyway. People would have respected his space if he'd been at the meetings (no touching and a good sized personal space bubble around him) but he would have been able to share that he was dying. He was a dying horror show, really, and he didn't drink or use over it. THAT would have been really powerful.

*"feral children" spelling count for 2005, 4

My boy and King Tut

We had such a good time yesterday at the King Tut Exhibit at LaCMA. DS#1 & I got the only tickets available to us ... 8am - and headed out early. It was definitely the primo time to go - there were no lines and very little waiting to read and see the (mostly) tiny exhibits. As we left, we passed the entrance line 100 yards long, 6 people deep - not including the folks snaking throught the outdoor tent. We were in at 8:30 - only because we sauntered in at our leisure, and saw our fill, leaving at 10:30. It was a lot to take in, but very special. And it was special time with my boy. It really made an impression on him... though later on was much more exciting. One of the first exhibits was/is a wooden mannequin used for ceremonial purposes - perhaps to hang robes and jewelry on between times... it's "lifesize", so it's the size of a 9 yo boy. Just DS' size. I think Tut was lucky to have lived as long as he did in that atmosphere - religious upheaval and restoration, serious inbreeding, and power struggles...

We left the exhibit... narrowly escaping the gift store - which you MUST pass through to exit and just screams all that is wrong with consumerism. We headed east through thte LaBrae Tarpits and ate at IHOP. I indulged his every silliness and loved (and cherish) every minute of this kid and his imagination.

The best part, however,... we went back to LaCMA and caught the Tim Hawkinson exhibit. It was INCREDIBLE! He's (TH) a bit out there for most people, but ds was ON FIRE with discovery. It was positively magic to see him take it all in and I could just see the wheels turning. The exhibit is on loan from the Whitney, if that gives you any clue as to how deep and funkalicious his work is... Of course, he'd probably puke if he heard his work described as funkalicious, but then he'd MAKE SOMETHING out of it. DS kept saying, "When I'm 21, I going to..." to which I kept telling him, "Why wait? You DON'T HAVE TO WAIT" Do Art - be Art - build Art - If you want to do it, do it!!!"

My Love. It goes too fast.

He spent all afternoon drawing, with my heart expanding with happiness. Why do I cry when I paint?

Oh, for Heaven's sake.

I don't know if I'm PMS-ing or what, but I just HATE getting all emotional. I can't talk to myself anymore, since DH has taken it upon himself to question everything that flops out of my mouth and HOW. And I'm a gal that talks to myself - that's how I sort things ou and remember things. "WHAT does THAT mean? What do you mean by that? What are you saying?"
To which I'd love to say, "For God's sake, have you had a stroke? I'm NOT TALKNG TO YOU."

Micromanaging my day has apparently become not enough, so I have to check with him about thoughts and expressions, as well. I'm so glad HE'S NOT THE BOSSA' ME. 'Cause I'd have to say, "SHUT UP, ASSHOLE. I QUIT." Which, as soon as he puts on that Armani suit and tie, he goes into boss from hell mode and that starts all of our days. Am I a little peeved these days? He's on a jag about putting more money down on the house... we haven't even been here a year - and the house is fairly empty. There's also dental work to be done, etc. He gripes alla' time! And then he'll takes himself and DS on a mini-vacation; and SPARE NO EXPENSE since his dad's coming into town... not to mention the recent spending spree on business clothes. Honestly, I don't begrudge him any of this... just don't bitch because I signed the twins up for Gym 'n Swim.

Deep thoughts?

I know, I know.... shallow as a butter dish......

Dorian Grey's Portrait

Can I just say how much I love my new Botox gal? This is the best result ever and although it wasn't inexpensive, it certainly wasn't the price my dermotologist quoted me. By FSM, I want it cheap!!! I can only gush about it here since my dh thinks I spring from sleep as fresh as Venus being birthed from the sea - but the only truth in THAT is some sort of fishy smell.

I HATE creative accounting, but he gave me $100 that I thought would defray the cost somewhat, but then he borrowed it back... and then when he repaid me... he only gave me $40. So I put ALL of it on different credit cards. Not to worry - we're net payers - we never carry a balance, but it would send up a red daddy flag if I just put the whole damn thing on just one card. I had a $100 off coupon, too. Who says I'm not a smart shopper?