So I'm unable to post with ease on my regular board

Since I am unable to keep some sort of connection going with a website and board I normally frequent, I am posting here, instead. I wrote the following in response to being judged "judgemental" and was writing to a friend who has pointed out some valid arguments as to why some of us would choose not to socialize with an active adulterer.

(see below)

begin email ".....If I know someone is cheating on their spouse, doing and or selling hard drugs, beating their children, embezzling from their employer, running some kind of government benefits/welfare/social security scam, or shoplifting pork chops, then I will (as Goodie says so well) suddenly be very busy." end email

and my response:
D'jever notice, while Jesus walked among the prostitutes, lepers and other sinners (those poor lepers, lumped in with the rest of us because of a horrible disease) and encouraged others to do so... it wasn't because he was quiet and condoned their behaviour. Yes, love the sinner, hate the sin... but ask for redemption and follow through. "Go thou and sin no more." AND... the closer the sin got to your own home or temple, the less patience the Lord has/had for sinning shennanigans. Ok, yeah, that's it in a nutshell.

I just don't think I have a whole lot in common with folks who behave this way anymore. I mean, as a person who had no judgement AT ALL - and not a whole lot of common sense, either... my Higher Power was awfully glad I became JUDGEMENTAL.

While it was pointed out that the other behaviours are illegal, as opposed to the "small time" (!!!) elastic morals of adultery or any of the above folks I'm SURE to be too busy to talk to... um... am I supposed to castigate them every time they call? Well, folks that do that kind of stuff don't really want to hear what I have to say about it and that cuts those relationships very short, since selfish people don't want to feel "judged". Am I supposed to be an understanding ear? Jesus walked among sinners easily, because although He experienced temptation like the rest of us, His perfection made him immune. Personally, I don't want any of that crap to rub off on me or any of my family. That's too much drama for me. I cashed in my "E Ride Ticket" a long time ago.

After YEARS in Alcoholics Anonymous, I've got tons of experience (my own included) with people who try to finagle their way around doing the next right thing. That's one thing AA and AlAnon is very good at - drawing boundaries. If my friend came to me and said (and she did), "I'm thinking of the inoutinout with my neighbor and he's up to the game." I would still go back to the tried and true, "That's fucked up thinking.... Have you not seen "Brokeback Mountain"?; "Fatal Attraction"?; "Unfaithful"?; "The Woman in Red"? "Ode to Billie Joe"? (ok, not so much...) This NEVER has a good ending. EVER. THINK of your family. Here's the number to a good therapist. Don't do this."

Even if she came to me and said...."Well, he beats me.", or "He has a mistress", or WHATEVER.... SAME RESPONSE. Then, after I'd handed her my therapist's number, I'd be helping her find the biggest shark of a divorce lawyer possible. And I'd be calling her every day from then on.

If they're in the Program (a program of rigorous honesty) I'd tell them to work the steps on the problem RIGHT NOW (or you know what?.... you're going to wind up drinking over this because your thinking is screwed up, and you know it.) There's a reason successful sober people advise "Stick with the winners...stick with the people in the light." When you're looking to be deceitful, you seek lesser companions. They won't have an audience with me.

When a friend expressed her "non"approval of her friend's actions with "the one who got away"... well, there's a reason she didn't find out the minute her friend got home from the very first tryst. SHE WAS ASHAMED, and she knew her friend would be disappointed in her. Maybe if her friend had had enough guts to sacrifice the friendship for the greater good by saying, "Here's help (call a therapist, your pastor, your MOM); promise me you won't do anything for at least a week and see how you feel then; you must be going through something and this is very difficult but seems like a good idea.... and while I LOVE YOU - if you do this, I don't know if I can look at you the same way anymore. I love you; don't do this." Maybe if the stakes were higher, the consequences greater (than even having your dh hurt so terribly) the whole tragedy could have been avoided and a real opportunity for growth would have happened. But no - the poster was afraid she'd lose her "friend". Wimp. What if the woman in crisis really wanted her to talk her out of it? And really, I'm not singling anyone out - that goes for anyone who'd let this secret, devastating nugget just roll off them in the name of being a "good friend".

Can you imagine sitting down to dinner with your favorite tax evader? What are you going to talk about? "Um, how's that workin' for ya' ?" "Gee, I see you got your kid into private school with all that extra cash." "What happens when you have to go to JAIL?"

...Ok, let's go for something that's NOT illegal.

Your girlfriend is a gambler. She's gambled away the family's 401K plan... she's depleted the savings accounts and her kid's college fund. She's borrowed money from everyone she knows - and repayment is nowhere in sight. While she hangs out at the track, and since she's exhausted every babysitter and friend... she leaves the kids in the car. Without her dh's knowledge, she's taken out a second AND a third mortgage on the house. She's dying for you to have them all over for dinner and make nice, but you know she's going to ask you to lie for her or lend her some more money. She's a sick woman and she's suffering, but she can't wait to sneak out and play Pai Gow at the backroom of some hole bar downtown. Not as bad as an adulterous affair? ...Or worse?

As with drug addiction, alcoholism, and other self destructive behaviours - adultery included... I'll get you the help you need if you want to change or stop - but if you are going to continue down that slippery slope... I'm not going to volunteer to watch. Or aid. Or enable. My life (and my family's well being) no longer revolves around the drama inherent in these behaviours. Goodbye. And you may just find me inviting your ex, the kids and his NEW wife over for dinner. For the sake of continuity for the children.

Why is it wrong to want to associate with people who walk the same path as you and your family? I really hesitated bringing up anything religious or Program oriented - because you really don't have to have religion or the Program TO DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING. Is sitting idly by while a friend breaks her vows doing her a favor if she makes it your business by telling you about it? Unless they've already made up their mind to do the deed - a good friend may very well circumvent the destruction of a family by just saying, "Be a MAN - or A WOMAN. Get HELP. Work on it. Or you may just find yourself losing everything."

OH! ...and do I have a "Fatal Attraction" story about my friend's errant husband, his girlfriend, their breakup; and his return to the marriage and how all our friends handled it? You bet...... Beware ...the TIRE IRON!!!!

Momazon (or Goodie) ... putting the "mental" in "judgemental"...

This illustrator makes me laugh so hard I pee.

It's Official.

We live in paradise - and I pretty much hate it here.

So I deleted my preggo photo

I just got so paranoid about the freaks (whoever they might be) finding my photo - which I do adore, since I actually look pretty cute and goddess-like for carrying TWINS. With my first pregnancy, I was pregnant ALL OVER. Not Botticelli beautiful pregnant... just a real beast.

I mean, there's a gazillion photos of me online, and GOD knows what people are doin' when they're lookin' at 'em... but fetishists enjoying my cute preggo pic would just freak me out.

Well, I gave it all I had.

Eight days of the Master Cleanse is all I could do... perhaps next time I can do an entire 10 day (or more) fast. I learned so much, though - and I feel terrific. I lost 5 pounds, broke my caffeine addiction and realized that I had stopped tasting my food and was eating lots of junk. I probably would have lost more weight, had I not messed up the instructions on how much ADDITIONAL water to drink each day for a more thorough "flush", but now my water intake has increased dramatically. I may substitute one or two meals a day with the lemonade mix, just to ease back into real life. I also made the decision to do without sodas (of any kind), coffees, teas with caffeine, added sugar/sugar laden foods (desserts, pastries - when one bite will do quite well) as well as dairy products - milk, cheeses, butter. I feel very "clear".

Imagine my horror when I got the weekly "Master Cleanse eNewsletter" and along with some helpful hints and handy pointers..... a recommendation for an L. RON HUBBARD book. That will make my life more "clear" and less "toxic".

FOR GOD'S SAKE, SCIENTOLOGY IS EVERYWHERE. THEY ARE COMING TO GET ME. TOM CRUISE WANTS TO EAT MY CHILDREN'S SOULS.

Days dragging, odd things happening

I am on day FIVE. I never thought I'd make it this far, but it's becoming increasingly easy - and I have made the commitment to stick to the program absolutley by the book. I enjoy the lemonade very much (!) and mix up "six" glasses at a time (60 oz, incl. lemon, ms + full tsp. cayenne) I average 9 glasses a day. Sure enough, days 2 & 3 were tough - flu-like symptoms which disappeared with more lemonade. Yes, irritable and detoxing, too - mixed with some tiredness (but what can I expect, I'm a mom of toddler twins and a ten yo) LOTS of detox symptoms. I can tolerate the cayenne and assume that has a lot to do with my face feeling hot - my sinuses must be detoxing.

When I remarked on the state of my tongue, my dh thought I was nuts, but as I am a person who's never had a pretty, pink tongue... imagine my surprise when (so quickly, it seems) my tongue is one third pink!!! Like my babies' tongues!! ...like... dare I say... a porn star!!! Sense of smell is annoyingly heightened - in a houseful of boys, it's like an army barracks in here. And yes, unfortunately I'm still hungry - but I just drink more lemonade. It doesn't help having to cook for everyone else in the house!!! My dh is incredulous that I can function at all. I would like to continue for longer than the ten days I have committed to, but I don't think my dh will support me in MC that long - I also have seen weight loss (which puzzles me, greatly) of only 5 lbs. and was expecting much, much more, so I am disappointed in that respect.

Regardless, I am SO GRATEFUL because this has helped me get rid of a very nasty caffeine habit and that in itself is a big accomplishment. I am contemplating not only choosing healthier foods all around, but giving up dairy, too. Baby steps... one at a time, one day at a time. I've gotten a lot of support on the Master Cleanse/Raw Food Diet Message Board; it's really helped me make the decision as well as keep going!!! THANK YOU - ALL of you (esp. Peter)

16 hours into the cleanse...

The next several days may be a complete BORE to read about, since I'm using this blog to document and support my Master Cleanse experience. This is the first fast I had ever tried and although I've known quite a few people who've done it, I've never had the time to dedicate to it OR thought my dh would support my efforts. When he finally met a few people (knowing them otherwise, first) who were on the fast or had done it and recommended it, it intrigued him enough to be open to it, and then want to see what happens to me!

After the birth of my first son, ten years ago, I had such feelings of "ick-iness" and I didn't know how to get back to a feeling of "clean". A friend suggested a detoxifying "camp" in Ojai - and the price was very reasonable - about $500 for an entire week for food (raw), lodging, yoga, hiking, meditation; colonics and massage are "extra".... Leaving my newborn didn't really make sense in the grand scheme of things and this was the limited exposure I'd had to anything remotely like a fast or detox - that didn't pertain to drug and alcohol detox! In L.A., ANYONE's heard PLENTY about that! Eventually, after hard "work", diet and exercise (and neurotic, unhealthy angst), I was back at work and filmed a beer commercial - in a string bikini - the week before my son's second birthday. Some gals bounce back faster, but at 32 I was having a tough time metabolically. To say the least, it's worse (tho' certainly age appropriate) now. I was just lucky not to have gained as much weight or have as difficult time when I was pregnant with the twins. Ten years later, I'm certainly not being photographed in a bikini - nor would I want to be - but it would be nice to feel fit and energetic, again. I'm hoping this will be a better inspiration to keep up a regimen at the gym.

My current sense of "ick-iness" stems from the amount of fertility drugs I pumped into my body to get pregnant, hormones to remain pregnant, and my typical feelings from "being" pregnant - carrying two wonderful babies whose sole job was to grow (and recycle/eliminate) inside me. The fact that my body also "grew" a cancer while I was pregnant - and was subsequently removed with the c-section - has really inspired me to do this fast. The timing (16 months post partum) seems right. I want all toxins out of me.

Last night at 9pm-ish, I drank the lax tea and woke up to take the SWP at 6:30. Elimination began within the hour and yowza! There's no such thing as passing gas on this fast. Get thee to the bathroom!!!! I laid down when the babies did and took a nap (very unusual for me to nap in the morning) and actually slept. I have had about 4 glasses of the lemonade, which I really enjoy (ask me if I like it in 10 days!) Of course, I am seized with food cravings. Positively SEIZED. It's supposedly because of detoxing particular toxins and that your cravings are directly linked to the toxin. Without a doubt, I might kill for a Diet Coke.

Did I mention, I'm kicking caffiene with this fast, as well? Pray for me. My family - at least!

Out with the Old, In with the New

Or... Today, I become a member of the Lemonade Brigade. Ever in search of something with which to "fix" myself, the next ten days or so will be consumed with the "Master Cleanse" Detox.

More later, monkeys crying.